Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Go shorty...It's my birthday

Why? All I want to do is go to Webster Hall and have a few drinks on my birthday...why does it have to be the biggest fucking fiasco of the year? First I can't find that dang white dress, and then people are being all weird about if they're coming or not after they invited themselves, and now no one wants to fucking drive! I'm really this close to being over my whole birthday and just not doing anything. It's like no one cares, no one gives a rats ass that it's my 21st birthday and I can't do the one thing I wanted to do...whatever man. On what I wish was a lighter note, I had the most dazzling conversation with my mother last night. Apparantly I'm not allowed to have friends other than Jackie, Stephanie and Dwayne, because the second I have a friend that I hang out with more for more than 2 seconds I'm either doing it cause there's a boy involved or I'm a lesbian. And the most annoying part, that part that really just pisses me the hell off, is that no one will say anything out loud. They just look at me. They look at me like I just ate the last piece of chocolate cake, when I already had 3 pieces. Or more appropriatly, they look at me like I'm a slut. When I went to the movies last night, I guess it was cheating to go with a friend, because my mom told me to be " considerate of Dwayne's feelings". Not to " do anything to mess it up". Ok mom, I'll stay home and knit and pray and wait for my prince to come and save me. I didn't even believe that shit. I'm just frustrated with everyone right now, and this whole birthday thing is really pissing me off. I guess I'm just not doing shit on my birthday because to tell you the honest truth I don't care anymore....
** Later that day...
In retrospect I think I was a little...dramatic. Taking the train might not be that bad after all, everyone can drink and we'll get there on time. I was just a little pissy before, I wanted things my way. Well hindsight's 20/20


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your so called life? Is that all you have to say?... Look at yourself on the mirror! Feel the breeze of the world, breath and learn to love yourself and everything around you. Life is not about what people think or do for you; life is about what you can, should and will be! Life is a very short instance of eternity; it's the most colorful picture of an album; and because it’s beautiful and perfect, nothing needs to be changed; there is no need to cry, no need to pray, no need to stop... The only need is the one that makes us live, the one that makes us laugh and dance. Now, look again and tell me what you see? Eyes, mouth, ears and you, saying “It’s me; ME!”

Thu Feb 24, 12:56:00 AM 2005  
Anonymous Claribel said...

That's a beautiful theory, but not everyone in the world is at that happy point. I think everyone who reads this needs to stop taking it as a solid view into exactly who I am and realize that it's more of an outlet for my frustrations. I'm not this way all the time, and yes I am grateful for being alive and learning to love myself is exactly what I'm trying to do but it takes time, and experiance. I don't know what kind of life you have, or if everything is handed to you, but I've been through some really traumatic things that I'd rather not share so when you ask me to just see life as beautiful it's kind of hard. Believe it or not, I'm actually a really upbeat person, I just don't like complaining to my friends and family all the time, so I let it out here rather than keeping it inside.

Fri Feb 25, 11:43:00 AM 2005  

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