Sunday, March 13, 2005

Too many boys...or none at all

Do you ever notice that there's either a lot of boys in your life...or none at all? My life hasn't been the latter for a long ass time...and it still isn't. Ever since I graduated from high school there seems to be a never ending flow of idiots/jerks and romeos coming in and out of my life. I guess it's fate or God or whoever's way of repaying me for what seemed like the never ending drought that was high school. It's not like I'm fighting guys off with a stick, trust me, I'm not. It's just right now, I have to make a really important ( or probably not that important) decision. Do I get back together with Dwayne or do I follow my heart? It's not that I don't love him...I do and that's why it's so hard. The problem is that I'm afraid of making the wrong choice, I'm afraid of regretting my decision and feeling like an idiot. And the even bigger problem is, that everything I've ever wanted in a guy, I found in someone else...perfect timing. When I'm with him, I feel free, happy like I can be myself. I feel wanted, which is something I haven't truly felt in a while. I just don't want to hurt anybody, but for once in my life I'm trying to think about myself first. What do I want? That's simple enough...I want to be in love. Ass backwards, head over heels in love. But more importantly...I want whoever I'm with to be in love with me the same way. And with Dwayne, it seems like that's never going to happen. Should I wait around? How much longer? Another year and a half? I don't think so. By that time I would've completely lost all hope of him feeling anything more for me. The answer to my dilema seems so simple, so clear. So why is it so hard to just let him go?

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